Parting Words (Days 9 and 10) 24/25.03.12

These last two days could not have have felt any longer. As interesting as it was, there was a constant discomfort throughout the entire process of my intervention. I saw (or rather heard) my surroundings in a light I never knew existed. Apart from a few distractions along the way, I feel like come out the other side further enlightened and embedded with a new found idea of how we operate based on what's around us.

Putting myself somewhere I wouldn't ever go is something I didn't want to do, I enjoy being comfortable and knowing. There were obviously periods in which I was just 'listening to music', but the consequences of the intervention came during any form of social interaction. I felt helpless without the full ability to communicate or read situations properly

Overall; the idea of being removed from what's around you is a broad one which relates to many different things, in my case deafness. (And isolation (loneliness), but can be anxiety inducing, physically harmful and psychologically impairing.) It is something I explored and experienced, it isn't what I expected the turnout to be, but it is where it lead me.

Rationale

Ego Monster

My Ego Monster represented what I found made up most of what I do, mentally and physically; music. 

The entire body of my ego monster was made up of a piano keyboard, bass clef feet and hair (the only human trait). I chose to emphasize a single main point of myself, as apposed to many smaller points. 

I thought music would work well with the rest of the creative process for this brief and therefore exerted it solely as my Ego Monster. 

Nearing the End (Day 8) 23.03.12

Today was uneventful, intervention wise, as I spent most of it busy with things which disallowed me to wear headphones. But I did find an article on the effects of ignoring people, or giving them 'the cold shoulder'. I've had to, on some level, ignore a few people during this process. I'm not sure on the legitimacy of this, but it is quite intriguing;

"Probably at one time or another you have been either on the giving or receiving end of a silent treatment, otherwise known as the cold shoulder. What you probably didn’t realize is that the silent treatment is a form of ostracism. When someone is ostracized it affects the part of their brain called the anterior cingulate cortex. Do you know what the anterior cingulate cortex does?

The anterior cingulate cortex is the part of the brain that detects pain. When you give someone the silent treatment you are causing that person physical pain. Simply by ignoring someone else’s existence you can inflict pain on them. This is what the ever popular “time out” with a child is so effective. The child feels ostracized, therefore is feeling pain even though no physical pain was inflicted on them, and therefor they want to behave so they don’t have to feel that way again.

The silent treatment can be a very destructive behavior when it involves personal relationships. Let’s say with a husband and wife for instance. The silent treatment breeds bitterness on both ends and it borders on emotional abuse… I’m not making that up to be dramatic. That’s what “they” say." - The Silent Treatment. Ken Savage. http://www.kensavage.com/archives/silent-treatment/

The Last Stretch (Day 7) 22.03.12

I've noticed that naturally we adapt to things we are forced to come across. I have gotten used to the odd looks and the awkward interactions. I am an outcast behind the music. Whether it's the idea of deafness or loneliness, I am still far removed from everyone around me regardless.
The progression and change within the intervention which has happened since I began is tremendous. It moved from me merely being blocked out and moulding into the background of everyday situations to the ideas of being deaf within society and loneliness.

This shift in focus has provided a much larger platform of things I can relate what I'm doing to and emerse myself into a world I would otherwise not have experienced. There have been slip ups from time to time where wearing headphones was not an option and I needed to be part of my surroundings - but it is all part of the process.

The Tipping Point (Day 6) 21.03.12

Because of the past few days being slightly busy, there have been far more situations in which I've been faced with having very little to give to the interactions I've had. I've been thought of as rude, anti-social and most of all, blatantly unfriendly. It's so far gone from what I'm usually like, the change has become interesting. People don't enjoy you paying for something without saying a single word to them, and in some cases ignoring what they say to you.

It was pointed out to me that loud music through headphones can do permanent damage to ones hearing, luckily I anticipated this and have kept the volume halfway or just above.

"Approximately, twenty-six million Americans between the ages of 20 and 69 have high frequency hearing loss due to chronic exposure to loud noise above 90 decibels (db), according to the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders. If you are one of the millions of Americans who owns an MP3 player, then you might be at risk for hearing loss from headphones or earphones. Studies have shown that most MP3 players today can produce sounds up to 120 db and that long-term cell phone use may cause damage in the inner ear." - Hearing Loss From Headphones and Earphones. Sonia Gulati (9.12.11)

The Break Through (Day 5) 20.03.12

I have come to the realisation that this intervention has morphed into something separate from what I saw it as; to block myself out from what's going on around me. Now, the focus of everything has become two things, loneliness and deafness. Two words I've thought of constantly throughout this process. What I've been doing is obviously only representing a small amount of those two things, but the base feelings are there. I know I'm not actually lonely, nor deaf. But I feel touches of both.

People around me, when I'm wearing the earphones, seem to take less notice in me. Kind of like I don't have anything to offer. I'm not where they are. Physically, yes, but in terms of me being someone available for interaction (or even a small question), no.

The Decline (Day 4) 19.03.12

I read an article on a couple who used to a deaf sperm donor to increase the chances of their baby being born deaf (the couple were both deaf themselves). It got me to the thought of not being able to ever hear anything, ever. (Deafness, Culture and Choice. N. Levy, pg. 285). 

I've managed to go three days without too much fault, but today it pushed my buttons a bit hard and I found it impossible to be around people without listening to what was going on. I've also come to the conclusion that playing music through speakers while I'm in the shower is completely necessary. I've let it become somewhat of a haven from this intervention. 

John Cacioppo, a social psychologist, states that loneliness is linked to hardening of the arteries (leading to high blood pressure), body inflammation and even problems with learning and memory. (Why Loneliness Can Be Dangerous, Katherine Gammon. 05.03.12) 

Although this is something I can't, and won't, be able to relate to, it's interesting to know that there are also physical 'side effects' of being blocked out from your world around you (or blocking yourself out).

Oh, and this is interesting: Loneliness Affects Sleep Quality